


Secrets

by banneroflupinsbones



Series: Secrets [1]
Category: Uncharted (Video Games)
Genre: Abortion, Angst, F/M, Reader-Insert, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Sam, fast forward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 09:44:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11734470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banneroflupinsbones/pseuds/banneroflupinsbones
Summary: Sam and Reader go through a difficult time when Reader finds out she's pregnant. Will their relationship stay the same, or will it all come crumbling down?





	1. Sick

You followed Sam up the fire escape, fighting off a wave of nausea with every step you took. The sky was still dark but the sun was starting to rise over the buildings at the edge of the city. You stopped and took a breath, your hand gripping the railing until your knuckles turned white. Your stomach twisted and you closed your eyes tightly, putting your other hand on your knee to bend over. Sam turned around when he didn’t hear your footsteps behind him, a grin coming onto his face.

“Tired already, (Y/N)?”

“Nah, I’m good,” you waved a hand at him, your eyes still closed. “I’m just not feeling that great, is all.”

Sam’s expression instantly changed to one of concern. He quickly descended the stairs and put a hand on your bicep, ducking down to get a look at your face. 

“What’s the matter? Are you sick?”

“I’m okay…Just give me a minute.”

You took another deep breath and felt the nausea slowly pass. You straightened carefully, not wanting to trigger another stomach upset, and let your grip on the rail lessen considerably. Sam returned to his full height, slight relief coming onto his face but his eyes remained concerned. 

“You good?” he asked.

“Yup,” you nodded curtly.

“Are you okay? I can take you back home if you want.”

You shook your head and smiled to ease his mind. 

“If you say so,” he shrugged, continuing to climb to the next level.

You climbed the stairs after him, thankful that you were almost to the roof. The sun was beginning to peek over the tops of the buildings in the distance. You reached the last set of steps and Sam jogged up them, gesturing for you to follow. He strode across the roof to the other side, stopping a few feet away from the edge.

“The sunrise from here is amazing—almost as amazing as the view from the top of the church. The way that the sun comes through from behind the buildings, it looks like the whole city is on fire,” Sam turned around and you could see the excitement in his eyes. 

He plopped onto the ground and crossed his legs at the ankles, leaning back. He glanced behind him to see where you were and patted the ground next to him for you to sit down. You slowly moved to him, another wave of nausea coming over you. You sat down and put your head on Sam’s shoulder, taking a deep breath to prevent yourself from throwing up all over him. 

The sun started to become more and more visible as it began to climb in the sky. You squinted your eyes at the orange glow, watching the city light on fire just as Sam had said. You had to admit that the scene was beautiful, but you were more concerned with trying not to vomit. Sam looked at you to make sure you were watching what was unfolding before you and noticed that you were clutching your stomach.

“Are you alright?” he sat up straighter. 

“I-I think I’m going to throw up.”

You quickly stood and bolted away from Sam, stopping on the side of an outbuilding that the building owners had erected. You braced a hand on the wall as you began to heave, your other hand still around your middle. Sam followed you and stood next to you, holding your hair away from your face and rubbing circular patterns on your back. 

“It’s okay…Just get it out…” Sam murmured, trying to comfort you.

Once you finished vomiting, you spit and wiped your mouth on your sleeve. You looked at Sam, feeling embarrassed and your eyes watering. You ran your fingers under your eyes to get rid of the moisture and Sam patted you lightly on the back.

“Feeling better?” he asked, his hand still on you.

“Loads,” you breathed.

“Let me take you home, alright?”

You nodded and the two of you began to walk, his arm around you. You descended the steps and made your way back to Sam’s apartment, walking slowly. He unlocked the door and you went inside, making your way straight to the couch. You felt so much better than you had, but you still wanted to take it easy. Sam closed the door behind him and immediately went to fetch you blankets, which he tucked around you. He sat down next to you and you put your head in his lap. He stroked your hair and leaned his head on the back of the sofa, closing his eyes. 

“You sleep, too, okay? You have to feel better,” he reached for your hand under the covers. 

“Okay,” you whispered.

You shut your eyes and soon heard Sam’s quiet snore. You focused on the feeling of his hand enclosed around yours, and his other hand tangled in your hair. Sleep overcame you sooner than you expected and you were lost to a world of dreams.


	2. Positive

The feeling of Sam shifting in his seat woke you up. You opened your eyes and looked at him. He gave you a small smile and placed his hand on your forehead to see if you had a temperature.

“I don’t think you have a fever…You might have had one and just slept it off, I guess. How are you feeling?”

“Better. I think I’m just going to take it easy for the rest of the day, I’m pretty sleepy.” 

“Good. Do you want me to run to the store to get you anything before I head to work? Ginger ale or something?”

“Nah, I’m alright.”

You sat up and leaned your head on your hand. Sam did the same thing and looked at you, a smile growing on his face. He kissed you on the cheek before getting up and stretching. 

“I was thinking I’d stop and see Nathan before I go in. Do you want me to wait until you feel better so you can come with me?”

“No, no, it’s okay. I don’t want to stop you from seeing your brother. I can always go another time.”

“Alright,” Sam picked his backpack up and put it on. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart. I love you. Feel better.”

“I love you, too. Stay out of trouble.”

“I always do.”

Sam gave you a huge grin and a small wave before leaving. Once the door had closed behind him and you heard the revving of his motorcycle, you let out a huge sigh. You got up quickly and left the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind you. You walked down the street and into the pharmacy on the corner. Your hands were starting to sweat and you could feel your heart beating a little quicker. You picked up the single item that you needed, paid for it, and went back to Sam’s apartment. 

You went into the bathroom and paused, holding the pregnancy test. You had missed a period and your nausea made you think that maybe you should check what was going on. You read the instructions and followed them, putting the test on the edge of the sink while you waited. You began to pace and started chewing on one of your fingernails. Your mind was filled with anxieties: what would you do if the test was positive? Would you be happy if it was negative? You honestly hoped it would come out negative—you knew that neither you nor Sam were in the right place to raise a child. Sam had just turned eighteen a few months ago and your birthday was coming up…His work was dangerous and yours barely paid enough to survive on...There were so many reasons as to why having a kid right now would not be good.

You waited the allotted time and then some, nervous about how your future would either change forever or stay the same. You took a deep breath and picked it up. You glanced down.

Positive. 

“Jesus Christ…” your stomach dropped and you let the test fall from your fingers as tears began to prickle at your eyes. 

You covered your mouth with both hands and let out a sob. What were you and Sam going to do? Sam had a hard enough time trying to scrape by and take care of Nathan. You did as much as you could to help out, but your funds were always low. You definitely could not afford a baby on your own, and even with help from Sam, you wouldn’t have enough to raise a new life. Would Sam even want to bring up a child? He had spent so many years raising Nathan, and you wondered if he would want to take care of another kid. God, how were you even going to tell him?

You needed someone to talk to before you broke the news to Sam, someone who would understand. You had friends in the area, but you weren’t that close to any of them, and you had left your family behind so long ago. You thought about Nathan—how would he take the news? He was just a kid himself. Would he understand the weight of your issue? You shook your head for thinking that; Nathan was incredibly smart and perceptive. Of course he’d understand. He was practically family at this point, and he would have to find out eventually. 

You took a deep breath and turned on the tap, letting the water run for a little while as you lost yourself in your thoughts. You pooled some of the water in your hands and ran it over your face, letting the coolness of it reduce the redness of your face and your swollen eyelids. You wiped your face with a towel and left the bathroom. Now was the time to see Nathan, before you started crying again. You left the apartment, the door clicking shut behind you.


	3. Nathan's Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that you can't get an abortion the day that you want it and that it's a process, but I only wrote what I wrote for plot purposes...Thanks for understanding!

It was noontime. You figured Nathan would be eating his lunch and be back to his room soon, so you sat outside of his window and waited. You leaned your head against the wall and stared off into the distance, one hand resting unthinkingly on your stomach. You thought of how you would tell Sam your news. Would you tell him when he got home that night, or would you wait a few days to let the reality of the whole situation sink in for you? You sighed and closed your eyes, wishing that you were anyone but you. How would Sam react? Would he be happy? Upset? 

You knew that pregnancy was a possibility when you first started having sex with him, but it became less and less of a worry as time went on. It couldn’t possibly happen to you, right? Clearly you were wrong. The one time the condom had broken, it had to happen. You had taken an emergency contraceptive, which you knew reduced the risk of pregnancy exponentially, but there still had been a warning saying that it might not work. You scoffed at the thought of it.

You heard a door open and close in the room behind you, and you peeked into the window. Nathan was back and none of his roommates were there. You knocked lightly on the window and he jumped, smiling widely when he saw you. He ran to the window and opened it, climbing out and sitting next to you. 

“Hi, (Y/N)! Sam said you were sick. Are you feeling better?” Nathan asked.

You shrugged in response, trying to keep a brave face for him. You moved to sit across from him so you could see his face. He noticed the sadness in your eyes and his brows arched in concern.

“What’s wrong? Is Sam okay?” his eyes were wide.

“Sam’s fine, honey. He’s fine,” you reassured him and he visibly relaxed. “I actually came to talk about me…”

“Okay…what’s up?”

Nathan looked puzzled and you took his hand to comfort yourself. He began to play with your fingers and draw little patterns on your skin. 

“Well, I haven’t been feeling well lately. And don’t let this gross you out with talk of female things,” you paused, giving him time to stick his tongue out in mock disgust. “But I missed my last period.”

Nathan’s hand went still. “And?”

“And I took a test this morning. It was positive.”

Tears started to cloud your vision and you quickly wiped them away. You looked up at Nathan, his face completely serious. His normal smile was gone, a slight frown on his lips. Your heart felt like it broke when you saw his expression. 

“Is it Sam’s?” he whispered as he looked down at your linked hands.

“Of course. I never have and never would cheat on him—you have to know that.”

“I know. I just had to make sure, (Y/N)…Have you told him yet?”

“I found out after he left for work, so no. Besides, I don’t even know how I’d tell him.”

“You’d tell him honestly.”

You sighed. You felt another sob trying to escape from your body and you held it in, your chest growing tight. You looked down, feeling heavy tears running down your cheeks.

“What are you gonna do, (Y/N)?”

“I-I don’t know, Nathan. That’s where I’m stuck.”

“Do you want it?”

You shook your head. “I couldn’t possibly have a child right now. I don’t have enough money to take care of myself, let alone a baby. I can’t…I don’t want it.”

“Yeah, but Sam’s gonna help you. He is the dad, after all. It’s his responsibility, too.”

“I know, but…”

“You don’t have to go through this alone, (Y/N). You have me and Sam. We love you.”

Nathan moved closer to you and wrapped his arms around you. He squeezed you tightly then slowly let go. He took your hand and started playing with your fingers again. 

“I love you, too,” you sniffled.

You sat in silence for a little while, listening to the breeze blow the trash on the streets below and the birds in the courtyard. The sun was high in the sky, which left you so much time until Sam came home. 

“Nathan, can you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Will you come with me to the hospital?”

“Absolutely. But, why?”

“I-I’m going to get an abortion.”

“(Y/N)…Are you sure? You can’t go back on this decision.”

“I need to do this. I can’t give a child a good life right now. Maybe someday in the future, but not right now,” you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you had been holding.

“When do you want to go?”

“Before Sam gets home.”

“Don’t you want to tell him first? He has the right to know.”

You shook your head, your mind made up. “It’s my body. I need to do this.”

“Are you going to tell him about any of this?”

“Maybe one day, but not now.”

“Will they even take you? Don’t you need an appointment?”

“I’m going to try anyways. There’s no harm in trying.”

“Okay,” Nathan was determined to help you. “The nuns won’t notice that I’m gone, I can leave for a couple of hours.”

“Thank you, Nathan. You mean the world to me and more.”

Nathan chuckled, his eyes growing soft. He stood up and helped you get to your feet. You followed him down the side of the building and onto the street, heading towards the hospital.


	4. What's This?

You were extremely groggy and sore from the procedure. You had paid for the abortion using the emergency cash you had saved up over the past few years—you never thought that you’d need to use it in the way that you did. 

Nathan walked you to your building even though you insisted he go back to the orphanage. He made a deal with you that he would make sure you were safe inside Sam’s apartment before returning home. You unlocked the door and turned to wave at Nathan, who returned the gesture before heading down the corridor and stairs. You went in, closing the door behind you, and collapsed onto the sofa. 

“Hey,” Sam said from the other side of the room; you hadn’t noticed him when you came in.

“Hey. How was work?” you asked as you sat up, trying your best to appear more awake. 

“(Y/N), what’s this?”

Sam held up the pregnancy test. You had completely forgotten to hide it after you had dropped it on the floor. Your stomach dropped and you were speechless. You definitely weren’t planning on telling him anything that day, but it looked like you’d have to. Sam stared at you, his eyes intense and a frown on his face. His hair stood up more than usual, like he had been running his hands through it. 

“Um…” words escaped you and your heart began to beat loudly in your chest. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he took a few steps closer to you but abruptly stopped.

“I was going to-”

“You were going to, (Y/N)? When? Huh?” his voice started to raise in anger. “How long have you suspected?”

“A few weeks—I swear I was going to tell you, Sam. I swear I was going to.”

Sam threw the test onto the small table in front of you, it bounced a few times from the impact and then slid off of the smooth surface. You had seen Sam angry a few times before, but his anger had never been directed at you. You stood, a little unsteadily, and wrapped your arms around yourself. Sam watched you, probably trying to figure out what to say next without completely exploding. His mind was whirring with so many different thoughts, he didn’t know where to start. His brows were creased in frustration and you were afraid to say the wrong thing to him. Sam began to pace, his hands running through his hair. 

“No, no, no…this can’t be happening. We can’t afford a baby right now, (Y/N). There’s no way,” he said.

“I know that, that’s why I’ve-”

“How could we have done this? How could I have done this? I can’t be responsible for Nathan, you, myself, and a baby. I can barely take care of the three of us as is.”

“Sam, listen-”

“Jesus Christ…I’m going to have to see if I can get extra work, and you’re going to have to work more—but you can only do that for so long before you have to take a leave…Shit, what are we going to do?”

“If I can just talk for a minute-”

“I don’t want to make Nathan find a job…besides, he’s too young to work and the nuns probably wouldn’t let him. Unless I can get him to work nights with me…”

“Sam!”

He stopped pacing and made eye contact with you. Just by looking at him you could tell how overwhelmed he was, how tired he was. He waited for you to speak and it took you a few seconds to gather your courage and figure out the best was to tell him.

“Well? Are you going to say anything?” he asked, his voice harsh and his brows raised in annoyance.

“You shouldn’t be getting mad at me because you’re partly to blame for this, too,” you clenched your fists at your sides, trying your best to conceal the fact that they were shaking.

“I know,” Sam took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a few moments, squeezing the bridge of his nose. He took a few steps towards you and took your hand. “I’m sorry. The way that I’m acting isn’t very fair. But it’s a lot right now, y’know?”

You nodded, wondering how he would take the news. You figured it would be best to put the truth in front of him before things went too far. 

Sam sighed again. “I love you. And…And I think I want to make this work. We can make it work—it’ll be really hard, but we can do it. I want to be with you every step of the way, (Y/N).”

Your heart broke and tears began to brim your eyes. Sam saw that you were beginning to get emotional and pulled you into a tight hug, kissing your forehead. He gently shushed you as you began to cry and your fists gripped the fabric of his shirt. 

“Sam, I-I need to tell you something,” you said quietly, your voice muffled by his embrace.

He slowly let you go but he kept his hands on your biceps, his grip slightly tight. “Alright…”

“I…I got an abortion.”

“You…what?”

Sam’s face fell and became one of utter defeat. His mouth hung open and his eyes searched yours, hoping that what you had just said was a lie. His hold on your arms loosened as he let his hands fall to his sides. 

“It’s for the best, Sam. Like you said, we can’t afford a baby, and we wouldn’t be able to give it a good life,” you choked. 

“(Y/N)…You didn’t…”

“I’m sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry,” you whispered.


	5. Reunited

Both you and Sam were now in your mid-forties. You had stayed close to Nathan throughout the years and went through similar emotions as he did when you found out Sam had “died” and then come back to life. You and Sam had broken up shortly after you had told him about your abortion, and your relationship was never the same. You still loved him with all of your heart, and you were pretty sure that Sam felt the same about you, but the two of you never seemed to get the timing right when it came to reestablishing some semblance of a relationship—you were dating other people, there had been Sam’s time in prison, and then the search for Avery’s treasure. 

Sam had been working with Sullivan for a few months, but he was returning to the States for a couple of weeks. When Nathan told you that Sam would be home, you were wary. You were nervous to see him and you wondered what his reaction would be when you reconnected. In all honesty, you were wishing to pick up where you left off before the abortion—happily together and looking forward to spending so many years together. You weren’t sure if that could ever happen again, though. 

Nathan and Elena had suggested that you, Sully, and Sam come over as a welcome home celebration. You had accepted after mulling over the different scenarios of what could happen, and you stood on their front steps with a bottle of wine in your hands. You knocked on the door and Elena opened it with a smile.

“(Y/N), it’s so good to see you! Come on in,” she waved for you to step inside.

You followed her through the house and into their kitchen. Nathan was stirring something on the stove and he greeted you with a goofy grin. 

“Hey, (Y/N)!” he said.

“Hey, Nathan. How are you? Staying out of trouble?” you asked, handing Elena the wine bottle.

“Always,” Nathan said with a serious face and Elena rolled her eyes, patting him on the back before putting your wine in the fridge. 

You didn’t want to seem to eager and ask where Sam was, but at the same time you were itching to see him. It wouldn’t hurt to see Sully, either—you smiled at a memory of the cigar loving man. You could barely remember the last time you saw him, but you knew that the occasion involved a lot of alcohol and smoke. 

You sat at the counter and watched Elena and Nathan cook together. The way they playfully and lovingly acted around each other made your heart hurt. That could have been you and Sam. You sighed, but quickly put a small smile on your face when Elena looked at you. She smiled sympathetically, as if she had just read your mind and knew what you were thinking. 

Elena fetched some wine glasses. She took a wine bottle out of the fridge that had been chilling, swearing that you would all drink the wine that you brought during dinner, and poured some into two glasses. She gave one to you and then took a beer out of the fridge for Nathan, and she raised her drink. You and Nathan did the same.

“To good friends,” Elena said. “We’re glad you’re here, (Y/N).”

You repeated the toast and took a sip of your drink, thankful for the man that you treated like a little brother and his wife. You looked down at your glass as Elena and Nathan turned back to their cooking. Elena leaned towards Nathan and whispered in his ear, then quietly left the room. Nathan put a cover on the pot he had been tending on the stove and turned to you, picking up his beer and crossing his arms.

“How’ve you been, (Y/N)?” 

“Eh, you know. Same old, same old,” you shrugged, playing with the stem on your glass.

“I just want to thank you for coming tonight. You didn’t have to, and I know it’ll be hard for you to see Sam again.”

“Is it really that obvious?”

“Kind of, yeah,” he chuckled. 

“Great,” you took another sip of your wine.

“It’s okay, (Y/N),” he paused. “I talked to him a little while ago and told him you would be coming tonight. He seemed to be really looking forward to seeing you.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm. I don’t think your reunion is going to be as bad as you think it will be. I think you’ll be able to pick up right where you two left off.”

“I don’t know, Nate. Everything changed after the abortion and nothing was really the same afterwards.”

Nathan nodded in understanding; he remembered the tensions between you and Sam before you lost contact. “Just see what happens tonight. If you’re able to pick up from before, great. If not, that’s okay, too.”

“Yeah…”

“I know my love isn’t the same kind of love that Sam gave you, but I’m gonna say it anyways. I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too, you softie. Thanks for being here for me.”

Nathan went around the counter to you and you stood to give him a hug. He had changed so much over the years, but deep at his core, he was still the same Nate that he had been when you needed him most. You kissed him on the cheek and when he let go of you, you reached up to ruffle his hair. He smirked and returned to cooking. 

You heard a knock on the door, and then the sounds of Elena opening the door and greeting someone. Muffled voices reached your ears and butterflies started to flutter in your stomach. Nathan made eye contact with you and breathed in and out deeply, making sure you mimicked his actions. You nodded and closed your eyes for a second to get your wits together. Sullivan walked in and his eyes lit up when he saw you. 

“(Y/N)!” he said, holding his arms wide for a hug.

You stood and moved into his embrace. “Sully! It’s been too long. How are you?”

“Just fine, kid.”

You exchanged pleasantries with him for a few moments before he went to go inspect what was for dinner. Elena came into the room and gave your arm a squeeze, moving past you to socialize with Sully and Nate. Did Sam decide not to come? You felt disappointed and frowned. Maybe it was for the best.

“Where’s Sam?” Nathan asked.

“Smoking,” Elena and Sully replied in unison. 

“Ah. I should’ve figured.”

You turned back to the group and tried to enter their conversation, but your heart just wasn’t in it. You considered going home—did you actually want to see Sam again? You became anxious and took a deep breath. 

“(Y/N), can you bring this to Sam?” Nathan handed you a beer.

“Uhm, I-” you stuttered.

“You can do it,” he reassured you, giving you a small smile.

You nodded and took the bottle from him. You left the room and headed to the porch, pausing to take a deep breath before opening the door. Sam’s back was facing you as he leaned against the railing and you could smell the smoke from his cigarette. He turned around slowly and his eyes softened when he saw you.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hi,” you replied nervously. “Nathan asked me to bring this to you.”

You offered him the drink and he took it with muttered thanks. He looked so much different from the last time you saw him. His face had the starts of wrinkles and he had a tattoo on his neck. You stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, knowing that you should go home. You were about to go inside and say your goodbyes when Sam stopped you.

“It’s been forever, huh, (Y/N)? How’ve you been?” he took a deep drag from his cigarette and blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth. 

“Fine,” you began to play with the hem of your shirt. “What about you?”

“Can’t complain,” he smirked but it slowly disappeared. “I’ve missed you.”

Your heart leapt and you met his eyes, quickly looking away again. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Sam took a final inhalation from his cigarette before throwing it into the driveway. He looked at you, noticing how much older you had gotten and how much you had changed. He chuckled to himself, thinking of how he had aged and changed too. His joy quickly turned into a frown again. There was so much he wanted to talk about with you—he wanted to catch up with you and see what you had been doing with your life. Most importantly, he wanted to know if you had moved on. He had tried to, but nothing had ever worked out. 

“What happened between us?” Sam asked quietly. “We were great together.”

You groaned inwardly. As much as you had been hoping to go back to the way things were with Sam, you had dreaded this conversation. You stayed silent—you knew what he wanted you to say.

“Why didn’t you talk to me before you got the abortion?” Sam stood in front of you dejectedly.

“Sam, I don’t want this to be the first thing we talk about after not seeing each other for twenty-something years.”

“Please, (Y/N)…I’ve thought about you and what we could have had every single day for so long. You were what kept me going while I was in prison. You’re what’s keeping me going now.”

You felt tears starting to brim your eyes at his confession. You wiped them quickly, sniffled, and then stared at him. You took a deep breath and clenched your fists.

“I didn’t talk to you because I knew what was right for us. You said so yourself when you found out—we couldn’t have afforded a baby then. I knew that and took it into my own hands. I thought that there was the possibility that you would want to try to raise it, and I was right. I just knew that we couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to bring a child into this world just to have to put it into an orphanage. I didn’t want what happened to you and Nathan to happen to our baby, too,” you maintained eye contact with him and saw the pain in his eyes. 

“But we could’ve talked about it, (Y/N). You left me in the dark before I even knew what was happening.”

“I’m sorry, Sam. I really am.”

“You didn’t even tell me that you thought you might be pregnant. I just come home one day and there’s a positive pregnancy test on the floor. I was completely blindsided by that, y’know?”

“I know I was wrong in not telling you anything. I know that and I regret it, okay? I was just scared.”

“You were scared?” he took a step closer to you and took your hands. “Sweetheart, why were you scared?” 

There was the Sam you remembered. Concerned, wanting to help you because he loved you. He was still the same after all those years. “Didn’t you trust me?” he asked quietly, like he was scared to know the answer. 

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you, Sam. I just didn’t know what your reaction would be, and I was scared. I was worried that you’d get angry at me—and you did. I was worried that if you found out that I was pregnant and that I had gotten an abortion, our relationship would fall apart. That’s why I didn’t tell you before I got the procedure. I was only going to tell you years down the road when I knew we had a solid foundation. I was right that everything would go to shit if you found out.”

“If you had been honest with me and told me everything from the start, we could have saved us. In order to make a relationship work, there has to be honesty and both parties have to be involved in those kinds of big decisions. You should’ve just told me and we could’ve made the decision together.”

“Do not tell me what I should and shouldn’t have done, Sam,” you ripped your hands from his and put your hand on the doorknob to go back inside. “You had no idea what I was going through—you had no idea how I felt.”

“You could’ve told me, (Y/N), and then I would’ve known what you were feeling. You could’ve told me everything and we would still be together. Hell, we’d probably be married by now.”

You said nothing and still hesitated by the door. Sam came behind you and placed his hand on it to prevent you from opening it. You heard him sigh.

“Please, (Y/N). I want to talk to you. Let me talk.”

You bowed your head and you felt tears starting to drip down your cheeks. Your hold on the doorknob released. You didn’t turn around to face him and your body started to shake from suppressed sobs. Sam took a step back from you to give you space, even though he desperately wanted to pull you into his arms. You wanted him back in your life so badly, but the conversation you were having was making you feel like it was impossible. If the first interaction that the two of you were having after so many years was an angst-filled discussion, what would that mean for the rest of the relationship if there was one?

“I’ve thought about what would’ve happened if things ended up differently. I’ve thought about what it would have felt like to hold our baby in my arms for the first time, and what we’d name them. I dreamed about watching them grow up, you and me being the happiest parents in the world. I always thought about the happy life that you, me, Nathan and the baby would lead.”

“Are you trying to make me feel like shit? Because it’s working.”

“No, no, no. That’s not my intention at all. I said that because…” he paused. “What I’m trying to say is that no matter what happened, I still would have loved you. We would have worked through it, and things would have been okay. They would’ve been tough for a really long time, but everything would have worked out in the end.”

You quickly turned around and threw your arms around his neck. He pulled you to his chest tightly, taking a shaky breath as he did so. You took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of cigarette smoke and a smell you remembered from the last time you had seen him—something you could only classify as Sam. He put a hand on the back of your head and quietly shushed your crying. 

“I’m really sorry for everything, Sam.”

“It’s alright, (Y/N). It’s alright.”

The two of you stood in your embrace for a long time. He pulled away gently, looking deeply into your eyes and you put a hand on his cheek.

“There's still a lot we need to talk about, but I’m ready to pick up where we left off, if you are,” he whispered.

You nodded as a smile came onto your face. Your heart felt full for the first time in a long time.


End file.
